Here comes the dress

EMPIRE

The empire waist line dress is back and has become a staple among modern brides.

Contrary to popular belief, the empire waist isn’t doing the carb-friendly bride any favors. The extra material won’t do much to hide poundage in the middle.

The empire waist line loves a vertically challenged bride and can add inches to a “fun-sized” frame. The empire waistline is a classy choice.

 

PRINCESS

If you’re the girl who planned her wedding day at age 9 and didn’t even hide her wedding board on Pinterest, a princess style dress is for you.

The cascading hemline is especially flattering for pear-shaped gals. However, for those of us with less fruitful assets a

princess dress is still an option.

The dress skims over hips and balances a heavier trunk. A princess style is great for any bride going for understated elegance.

 

A-LINE

The A-line glides over an extra-cheese waistline and your “fries with that” thighs. This dress

forgives the wrong curves and emphases the right ones.

The A-line gown is an equal-opportunity flatterer and is works for almost any body type.

If you don’t believe me, ask Kate Middleton, the Miss Universe of brides. In 2011 her classy A-line dress rocked the known universe.

Take a hint from a real royal and see what a figure flattering A-line can do for you.

 

MERMAID

The mermaid dress is a bold choice, but can be a showstopper if worn by the right person (the right person being a WNBA player  or Kim Kardashian).

Clingy bodices and a drop waists are the stuff muffin-top legends are made of.

The mermaid dress can be challenging for mere mortals, but with pilates and great genes, anything is possible.

Curvy brides should avoid tight styles, like the mermaid, and stick to more forgiving options.

 

BALLROOM

A ballroom dress is the model wedding gown. If you have ever used the adjectives “poofy, floofy or pastry-like” in dress-hunting, or sat through an entire Miley Cyrus movie, this is the dress for you.

The ballroom dress is another  figure flatterer and works on most body types. This dress is a great option for lengthening a waistline or adding inches to a figure.

The torso-clenching bodice and full skirt lend to a feminine look. The ballroom dress is ideal for a girly bride.

 

SHEATH

The sheath style (also known as a slip dress) is a modern choice for anyone who has ever seduced James Bond or been engaged to Roger Rabbit.

Slinky and stylish, this dress throws caution to the wind. This is the kind of dress that wears you.

This dress is waist-free, meaning you should have joined that gym six months ago.

The sheath dress is ideal for petite woman in great shape. This is a striking dress that will definitely make a statement.

4 Responses

  1. Lacey Larson says:

    I originally submitted this complaint to the Scroll.
    “To the Scroll staff,
    I was reading the center spread of this week’s edition of the Scroll, and I was shocked and unimpressed with the ‘Here comes the dress’ spread by Jessica Black.
    In the descriptions of the wedding gown styles, Miss Black makes comments on the dress like “The A-line glides over an extra-cheese waistline and your ‘fries-with-that’ thighs”, or “The mermaid dress is a bold choice, but can be a showstopper if worn by the right person (the right person being a WNBA player or Kim Kardashian)”, or “if you have ever sat through an entire Miley Cyrus movie, this dress is for you”.
    Excuse me, but what? Who is Miss Black to tell me that my thighs can be easily concealed by an A-line dress or that nobody but a WNBA player or Kim Kardashian can pull off a mermaid dress? It’s one thing to describe what type of wedding dress is the most flattering for a specific body type, but a professional bridal consultant would NEVER describe a bride’s body type in this way. If a bridal consultant told me how I don’t have enough of a Kim Kardashian body to pull off a dress or how to hide my ‘fries-with-that thighs’ with a dress, I would smack them across the face and march out of that dress shop then and there. Also, making assumptions about my personality based on what dress I choose is not okay, either. No, I’m not “the girl who planned her wedding day at age 9″, but maybe I want to wear a princess-style dress.
    It is not okay for Miss Black or any Scroll staff member to make comments in poor taste about girls’ bodies and make assumptions about personalities based on wedding dresses. This sort of article should have been written as purely informational, not to mock other girls’ bodies or personalities or even to joke about it. I really don’t appreciate being told that what I want to wear on my wedding day doesn’t flatter my fat thighs or suit my non-girly personality. This was written and published with zero tact in mind – I don’t care if Miss Black is comfortable or uncomfortable with her own body, but it’s not acceptable for her to write things that can be considered derogatory towards other women on campus. I’m not impressed with the Scroll for publishing tactless articles that are insulting and flat-out rude. And I’m fairly certain that most if not all the other women on campus will agree with me.
    I hope there is change next semester. Promoting bad body image and stereotyping is not acceptable behavior for the Scroll.
    Lacey Larson”

  2. Miss Black appears to be unable to differentiate between recommending certain dresses for certain body types and insulting people. This piece may have been intended as satire, but instead came off as insulting, and hateful. She, nor anybody else on The Scroll staff has any business policing what other people wear. This was placed in the bridal guide section, which should have been informational, not satirical. I learned learned very little about dresses after reading this article, and instead felt irritated by the insulting terms used to describe curvy women.

  3. This is a well-written article that tells the truth about dresses and how they look on brides. It is an article that is meant to be taken lightly. Articles are not aimed at you directly, so why be so offended over it? I think that Jessica took a topic that some girls feel too strongly about, and put a great twist on it to fit any bride. As an actual bride-to-be, I really appreciated this article and will use her awesome thoughts to help me pick out the right dress for me.

  4. I was appalled at this article, not only about the blatant insults directed about anyone without the ideal body type, but the ignorance about the wedding dress industry.

    First off, each of these styles are incorrectly represented. The empire is just the characteristic of the location of the waist being just below the bust. The princess can be either princess seams or a princess waist, the seams are similar to the picture shown, while the waist is very Sleeping-Beauty esque, coming to a point at the top of the hips, and can actually be combined very easily with an A-line or ballroom skirt. Snow white even wore a dress with princess seams, a princess waist, and a ballroom skirt.

    Second, this article places a huge (inappropriate) focus on body type while ignoring the elements that can add or take away from the beauty of a dress depending on the bride. For example ruching is a very common technique applied on wedding dresses as high at the bust and as low as the thighs, beading, embroidery, and sequins can also be used to direct the eye to a more desirable location if the bride wishes.

    Third, the subject of cost is nowhere broached in this category, especially since ballroom gowns and A-line skirts have yards and yards more fabric than what Jessica calls a sheath, the ballroom and A-line dresses are typically more pricy. This is terribly unfortunate for the “fries with that” thighs girl who, due to this article, may feel that her only options are expensive options to either hire a personal trainer or opt for a dress that costs more than her other options. Also, let’s not forget about the massive cost of tulle, the fabric typically used for the petticoats of these dresses.

    Fourth, necklines are no where mentioned, neither are hem lengths, or sleeve types. There are sweetheart, v-necks, scoops, and box necklines. There are floor length dresses and tea length dresses. There are petal, cap, and kimono sleeves, among many more options.

    This article, rather than being in support of the bride, is derogatory, insulting, and humiliating, not only for the bride who may now believe that she only has one or two options for a wedding gown, but also Jessica Black.

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