How to let 'em down without tearing 'em down

Ryan Crockett (Senior)
Brittney Honken (Senior) (Samantha Vanderwalker)

How to let ’em down without tearing ’em down

Wednesday, Oct. 19 at 8 p.m. in the John W. Hart gymnasium, President Clark Gilbert and his wife will host a date night in which President Gilbert will share with students some ways to become active daters, and all students are invited to attend, according to the homepage of the BYU-Idaho website.

With the upcoming date night, students of BYU-I may reflect upon times in the past they have been rejected or have unintentionally led someone on.

Michael Sanders, a sophomore studying political science, said leading a girl on to think the relationship is more than friendship is much worse than rejecting a girl at the beginning.

“Leading on destroys people emotionally,” said Sanders. “It takes a long time to trust people again and to build relationships after you get hurt like that.”

Sanders said he would rather have a girl initially tell him she is not interested in him.

“If she isn’t interested in me romantically, I’d be totally cool with just being friends,” Sanders said.

Sanders said he once had a close friend who hurt him deeply.

“She was here-and-there when it came to showing interest in me,” Sanders said. “Sometimes she was interested in me, and sometimes she wasn’t.”

Sanders said she also brought his feelings down sometimes without completely letting him leave because she still wanted him to be there as a back up option for her.

Sanders said he thought something more would have eventually come of the friendship, but he would not have minded only being friends if she would have established that in the beginning.

“Personally, I wouldn’t want to have to reject them in the first place because I know how much that can hurt, but it hurts less to be rejected than it does to be led on,” Sanders said.

Sariah Clair, a freshman studying sociology, said common courtesy can be difficult to find in this generation, which can lead to misunderstanding between men and women.

How to let 'em down without tearing 'em down Hannah Christensen (Senior) Matt Fales (Junior) (Samantha Vanderwalker)

Scroll Photographer: Samantha Vanderwalker

“Leading someone on is a dishonest act,” said Clair. “The kindest way to reject someone is to use the ‘compliment sandwich.'”

Clair said the ‘compliment sandwich’ is a formula she learned from a friend.

“When rejecting someone, you could start off with a compliment and end with a compliment,” Clair said. “The middle part of the sandwich is the hard part to add.”

Clair said the middle of the sandwich includes the actual rejection.

“It’s better to reject someone kindly than to lead them on,” Clair said.

Clair said many students tend to believe it is kinder to continue to lead someone on by being friendly, when it is actually much more harmful.

“It would break a person’s heart to put so much effort into a relationship, thinking it was growing to be stronger, when the other person did not feel the same,” Clair said.

Clair said rejection is inevitable, and it happens to everyone at some point in many different aspects of lives.

“It hurts to be rejected, but it can be necessary,” Clair said. “However, rejection can tear someone apart if it is not done in a gentle and caring way.”

Clair said the key to letting someone down without tearing them apart is to be thoughtful and considerate when dropping the bomb.

Clair said dating used to be a fun activity people did to get to know each other.

“If you do not want to date someone, do not waste their time by accepting it, but make sure to truly think about the offer before rejecting it,” Clair said.

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