Editor’s Note: The following article is satire.
Many people believe there is no such thing as the perfect band or the perfect song. When I meet these skeptical people, I feel an enormous sense of responsibility to literally help open their minds to the greatest band of all time: Nickelback.
On Wednesday, Feb. 1, the Canadian super group announced an extensive North American summer tour, a new album and the debut of a new hit single, “Feed the Machine.”
It was like Christmas in February!
Their new album, also titled Feed the Machine, due out June 9, could be the best album of the year and probably the most important thing to happen in 2017.
You may be wondering: Do they even care about their fans or about their music? Short answer: definitely.
To release a beautiful new song, announce a new full-length album and a summer tour is a supreme gesture of love, one of many reasons they are the greatest band ever to exist.
Of course, their awareness and concern for their enormous fan base is not the only reason Chad Kroeger, Ryan Peake, Mike Kroeger and Daniel Adair are the four most important men in music. Their incredible songwriting ability sets them apart from every other group of musicians on the planet.
With chart topping hit songs like “Rockstar,” “Photograph,” “If Today Was Your Last Day” and “How You Remind Me,” Nickelback has proven that they have the creative ability to write the greatest songs ever written.
Not only have they written popular songs that can be played on the radio for decades, but they have also proven themselves as masters of heavy metal.
Their 2008 album Dark Horse indubitably earned them a spot in heavy metal history, next to the most popular heavy metal bands of all time.
We should be asking ourselves: Why are we so lucky to have been born during the same time period as these rock ‘n’ roll legends?
I ask myself that question every day.
Sometimes in life, important figures in art and music aren’t fully appreciated for their contributions to history until after they die.
Thankfully, Nickelback’s success has not gone unrecognized.
The band has been honored with the Society of Composers, Authors and Music Publishers of Canada International Achievement Award five times.
They have received 12 Juno Awards, seven Much Music Video Awards, two American Music Awards and three Billboard Music awards. They have also received six Grammy nominations.
Some people, after listening to Nickelback, are embarrassed by how quickly their socks are blown off and they pretend they don’t agree that Nickelback is the best band of all time.
In 2012, The Black Keys’ Patrick Carney mocked Nickelback in a Rolling Stone cover story but later apologized, calling them “the biggest rock band in the world.”
I admit that initially I, too, was hesitant to believe that the perfect band did exist, but after some serious study and contemplation, I finally came to appreciate the angelic sounds of Nickelback.
I encourage everyone I have ever come in contact with, everyone I consider a friend and even those of you I have never met to take some time this week to listen to Nickelback.
If you play the guitar or the drums, take some time to learn a Nickelback song — I know I will.
Just think, someday when you have grandkids, you can tell them that in your youth you listened to the greatest rock band of all time.