Thank the ladies for the death of chivalry

 

Jailynn-Zenger

Since the first women’s rights convention in 1848 in Seneca Falls, New York, women have made significant progress in their right to vote, speak, work and be seen as equals to men.

Today, women run for president and become CEOs of Fortune 500 companies.

Most recently, the ban on women in military combat has been lifted, which allows women to apply for jobs in front-line positions.

Don’t get me wrong, women’s roles aren’t the only ones who have developed over time. Men’s roles are changing too, but maybe in a different direction.

Men used to stand when a woman walked in the room and pull her seat out before she sat down. Men used to pay for every date and open every door. Women were viewed with respect and treated as royalty. That’s right, I’m talking about the gentleman and a true gentlemen, might be dying right along with the older generations.

Now obviously it’s a different time, but could chivalry really die out?

I went on a date once where the guy made several mistakes when it comes to manners. First, he asked me out in a text instead of simply calling me up. I should have said no at Mistake Number One. Then, when he got to my house to pick me up, he called me instead of coming to the door.

We went on our first date to a movie. He didn’t pay for me, he slept the whole time and he just dropped me off without walking me to the door. What a jerk — I never went out with him again. It also made me wonder why men treat women so differently than they used to.

Although men might be becoming less chivalrous on their own, I fear the women are actually at fault.

While I am proud and grateful with the progress women have made, I am also concerned with how women’s independence is affecting the role of the gentlemen. Because some women view themselves as being more independent today than ever before, when a man does something nice, they see it as demeaning instead of flattering.

The worst part is expectations associated with chivalry are so unclear today. Certain women expect a man to treat them like a “lady” and pay for every meal. Others are so concerned with losing their freedom that they don’t even want a man to open the door for them in fear of being seen as inferior. The poor guys are left not knowing what to do.

If women become so focused on becoming independent, it will create a schism between men’s roles and women’s roles and expectations will become unclear. Once chivalry is dead, I’m afraid it will never come back.

What’s so wrong with a man treating a woman respectfully anyway? It doesn’t make a woman any less independent. When women expect men to be a gentleman, men will rise to the occasion and respect women even more.

So to the women: stop being so concerned that you’re going to lose your coveted independence, and let a guy treat you right.

To the men: don’t worry about these confusing girls, stop being lame, and ask a girl out.

Preferably over the phone.

8 Responses

  1. I think you’re idealizing a time you never lived in. If you aren’t happy with how a guy is treating you open your mouth and say something. Don’t sit by and expect him to read your mind. A key to marriage is communicating — learn to do it while you’re dating.

  2. I didn’t realize that the rights women have fought so hard for were such an imposition on men and ridiculous cultural norms. My bad, I’ll try to keep myself in my place and let a man treat me like the queen I am. Have to run, time to get back to the kitchen.

  3. Great work Jailynn, I hope that our generation will eventually find a nice balance between the two!

  4. I think you might be confusing respect and human kindness with chivalry. We should all treat each other with respect, regardless of our sex. When I enter a door in front of someone, I hold the door for the following person OR let them enter in front of me. I pay for the lunch of someone I invite to dine with me, I compliment admirable actions and qualities of others. I don’t do these things because I am chivalrous, but because it is the right thing to do. If men or women aren’t treating you as you would like to be treated, don’t blame it on our sisters who have worked to break down barriers that have been keeping us back for thousands of years. Treating others with respect and kindness is a sign of basic human dignity and respect. It is not limited to those of the XY chromosomal family.

  5. Kaden Facer says:

    I think it is very evident in the comments that chivalry is disappearing. We don’t even know what it means anymore. The question of who is at fault for the death of chivalry is like asking which of the two blades on a pair scissors cut the paper in half. Living in this world today I am convinced that if words had feelings, then Chivalry would be ticked.

  6. sesplin says:

    Amen! Women’s liberation was good for many things…however–at what cost will it take to make a woman feel liberated? To work full time, leaving her children at day care-when at home, she is tired from the day-to-day stress of work and juggling everything-the children are thrown in front of the TV or XBOX…! At what cost will we women take to make our selved feel free from inferiority? Has anyone noticed that about the time women’s lib. started–shortly after the family unit fell apart-this is how our world, in my eyes has fallen apart and is full of wickedness…because there are no mother’s at home when the children need them most. So, I say–women’s lib-what a joke-this is the cost of women’s lib. I wish I was back in Mayberry…

  7. I think it’s important to demand respect, but also to give respect. Guys should open doors and such, but as a woman, we treat them BACK with respect. As you talk about the “days of old,” we need to remember that the women also played a different role of kindness and in a way, being discrete. We should act how we want to be treated!

  8. I’d like to weigh in on this one. If a woman prepared a meal for she and her husband and he reacted with, “I can cook my own meals!” the woman would be rightfully appalled. When a woman retorts to a man, “I can open my own door!” we have a similar feeling of both being shut down as well as frustrated. The “Lord looketh upon the heart” and so should we – try to understand and give the person’s intent a higher regard than their actual actions. The truth is, most of us are doing our best, regardless of our gender. Also, keep in mind that none of us are entitled to anything – our rights and privileges (regardless of our gender) were given to us by the Lord though his divine plan. When we all understand that, we will likely understand each other.

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