Tanner Moline never used the word “date” while pursuing his now wife, which seems to be a situation that is becoming more common at BYU-Idaho.
What seems to be happening more is guys asking girls to “do something” with them or “Want to grab something to eat?” Hardly ever do you hear, “Would you like to go on a date?”
It turned out to be a bad thing when Tanner Moline, a senior studying accounting, exclusively started dating his wife.
“She said, ‘OK, now let’s go on a date!’ And I was like ‘What? We went bowling!’” Moline said. “And she said, ‘Well, you never called it a date, so it wasn’t a date!’”
Sarah Richardson, a sophomore studying business management, said she can’t remember a time at BYU-Idaho she was asked out using the word “date.”
It can be hard for a girl to know how to act if they are unsure if they are on a date. It can get tricky when deciding if you should expect them to pick you up at the door, wait for them to open the car door or even know if they will pay for you.
“I love it when guys say, ‘Hey, do you want to go on a date this weekend?’” said Allison Taylor, a junior majoring in marriage and family studies. “Then you know and have the same expectations for what it is.”
Even when the girl is sure she is going on a date, there can still be confusion.
“I kind of knew, because it’s like, ‘Hey, what are you doing Wednesday night? Do you want to go out? Want to go rock climbing?’ But I kind of knew it was a date,” said Nicole Christensen, a sophomore majoring in interdisciplinary studies. “The word date wasn’t said, but I knew it was a date. Kind of.”
Many guys regard not using the word “date” as a way to help the girl feel more comfortable.
“It could be like, (if) she doesn’t really like me, make it super causal so it’s not a huge commitment … and it’s not a super big deal if she needs to bail on me and break my heart,” Moline said.
But that same attitude can just end up causing more trouble. In any relationship, communication is important, and it is not always worth it to try and save face.
Nicholas Bean, a freshman studying healthcare administration, always uses the word “date” when asking a girl out.
“My sisters raised me,” Bean said, “and so they… (told) me it’s confusing (not to say the word date); be straightforward.”
Not using the word date can also cause problems if a girl is in a relationship and she thinks she is just going to hang out with a bunch of people, when really it is a date.
“My wife, before we got married … thought she was going on a big group activity to the ice caves,” Moline said. “So she showed up and everyone was coupled off and she was like, ‘I have a boyfriend!’ And the guy said, ‘Oh, you didn’t know it was a date?’ And she said, ‘No, you never told me it was a date!’”
For the Strength of Youth states a date is a planned activity that helps a guy and a girl to get to know each other better.
“In cultures where dating is acceptable, it can help you learn and practice social skills, develop friendships, have wholesome fun, and eventually find an eternal companion,” according to For the Strength of Youth.