When it comes to asking someone out on a date, there is a whirlwind of emotions that run through an individual and varying opinions regarding how to go about the whole process.
The process of asking someone out can be fun and exciting while also nerve-wracking. The good news is that there seems to be no right or wrong way — it’s just an adventure of trial and error.
“The best approach is to be kind,” said Caralee Oakey, a sophomore studying psychology. “Tell them you’d like to get to know them. Pick-up lines can be funny if the person is confident enough to use them. The best thing to do is be sincere.”
Oakey said it doesn’t matter how long you have known someone, and it is acceptable to ask out a random stranger, especially in an environment like BYU-Idaho.
“It’s good practice,” Oakey said. “If you just stick with the people you know, that’s a pretty limited circle. If you see someone you don’t know and would like to get to know, asking them out is expanding yourself and learning more than you would otherwise about what you like and what you want.”
Lyle Falkner, a freshman studying agribusiness, said sometimes there are circumstances that prevent people from getting to know someone before you ask them out. He said it shouldn’t be weird to ask out someone you don’t know.
“Why should you have to get to know somebody before you ask them out just to get to know them on the date?” Falkner said.
When it comes to what method of communication to use, most girls find it to be a turn-on when the guys ask in person and a major turn-off when guys ask over text or social media, according to albionpleiad.com.
“It should be done with your own voice,” said Andrew Gordon, a senior studying music. “Text message? No. Facebook message? No. In person is best. Also, I personally prefer not to leave a voicemail because if she hears it and doesn’t want to go, she just won’t respond, and then I’ll be stuck in this nebulous void of nothing.”
Oakey said she feels being asked out over text is lame, and she wouldn’t say yes.
“With texting, you have this protection that you wouldn’t have otherwise, and instead, when you’re showing you’re willing to make yourself vulnerable by calling someone or asking them out in person, it says something about your character,” Oakey said.
Oakey said there is value in how a guy phrases the question when he asks a girl out. She said the term “hang out” does not mean a date and is a turn-off.
“If I want to hang out, I’ll say hang out,” Gordon said. “But I probably wouldn’t blatantly say ‘Will you go on a date with me?’”
Gordon said he doesn’t believe in asking questions because that puts both the asker and the recipient in an awkward position. He said a question leaves more room for rejection.
“You offer it as an invitation, but not an inquiry,” Gordon said. “The last time I went on a date, I said to the girl, ‘I’m going to a concert, and I’d love if you came with me.’”
Gordon said he was taught a fool-proof system for asking someone out by one of his religion professors, and it has always stuck with him.
“The male approaches the female and says, ‘Do you eat?’ and she will say, ‘Yes, I do,’ because all girls eat,” Gordon said. “Then the guy should respond, ‘Will you eat with me?’ There’s a way for the girl to do it, too. She has just one line: ‘I bet you’re wondering if I’ll go out with you.’ And then it’s up to the guy to ask her out.”
Gordon said he feels that these methods do work and turn asking someone out into a delight rather than a fear. He said it is also still a very real and natural feeling to be scared of doing so because of rejection.
“Some men are so afraid of rejection that they would rather run through a minefield than walk up to a woman and ask her out on a date,” according to askmen.com.
Falkner said asking someone out takes him out of his comfort zone because of the possibility of rejection.
“The recipient should understand that the asker is going to be nervous and not let that sway their decision in accepting or rejecting their offer,” Oakey said.
Oakey said to avoid the embarrassment that can come from rejection, she is always willing to say yes to the first date and give the guy a chance.
This goes for a lot of girls, too, who avoid asking guys out.
“Too many women are hesitant to ask guys on dates, to give guys an inkling of their interest in them,” according to elitedaily.com. “And it’s upsetting and limiting to both us and to the dudes who want to date us.”
Falkner said that as a male, he finds it extremely hot when a girl asks him out on a date.
“I wish girls asking out guys was more acceptable in our society,” Oakey said. “If you find a boy attractive, you should have every right without judgment to ask him out. I would hope that a boy would be accepting of that.”
Falkner said he felt a girl should ask out a guy or at least try to be friends with him instead of simply waiting around. He said a girl is just as capable as a guy when it comes to dating.
“It’s not just this prince and princess thing that we’re taught as Mormons,” Falkner said. “Guys and girls have different roles in the whole family system, but we’re both just human. Don’t conform to societal norms that say you have to wait around for your prince charming to come around. Go out there and find him.”