Addressing perceptions of BYU-Idaho dating culture

Over 25 students gathered in The Crossroads on Nov. 20 to hear Layne Kinghorn and his wife, Lannon, share their experience in dating.

Attendees pulled their chairs closer as they listened to the Layne Kinghorn, student living director and associate dean of students. The intimate setting allowed students to ask, comment and receive answers to questions about dating culture at BYU-Idaho.

“I feel a lot more at peace now; I came here with some stresses and frustrations about things because sometimes things don’t go right, but I feel better about God’s plan and where I’m headed,” said Kayla Williams, a senior in marriage and family studies. “I just feel more secure in my abilities with dating.”

The Kinghorns answered various questions such as when to define the relationship and how to communicate openly about pornography.

As an icebreaker, the emcee introduced a version of the shoe game where the Kinghorns answered “him” or “her” to a variety of questions. Chuckles came from the audience as both of them held up the “him” side of their signs in response to which of them is the better driver.

In a Q&A, one of the topics mentioned repeatedly covered the importance of being an agent to change the dating culture at BYU-Idaho.

“If I were to add just one thing, it would be we talk so much about the BYU-I dating culture but what are we going to do about it?” Layne said. “If we are willing to connect with others and put ourselves out there, it’s our opportunity to take part in that change.”

They invited students to put their phones down, practice safe dating habits and focus on self-improvement.

“If somebody’s not ready because they feel like they still want to date, then give them some time to figure things out,” Lannon said. “Either decide to move on or just keep dating and having fun until the other person gets to that point. Sometimes we have to be patient with that person.”

The questions students asked about dating ranged from serious to light-hearted.

“I ask the questions everyone else is too scared to ask,” said Rayshawn Gibson, a sophomore studying communication. “This isn’t necessarily for me, as I think I already know the answer, but for the gentlemen who don’t. If a date is over — if you don’t get a text back from the person you went out with, that means the date went poorly, right?”

The couple also encouraged the students to openly communicate and find interactive things to do on dates. This included having more face-to-face connections with others.

“I’d say, I’ll probably change in that I’m going to go into dating more not expecting anything to come out of it other than just a friendship,” said Christian Shamo, a sophomore studying mechanical engineering. “I’m going to start going on more dates just to go on dates and get to know people rather than going on dates seeking a relationship.”

The Kinghorn’s prepared for the session by reviewing and reflecting on their own dating experiences.

“What I took away from this whole thing is that we tend to overcomplicate dating sometimes,” Layne said. “We need to be able to just be willing to get to know people.”

Layne explained that the goal of dating is to relax while enjoying connections to others.

“It was fun and I loved that students were interactive in wanting to share their own thoughts and insights,” Layne said. “I think the people that showed up here tonight were very interested in taking that next step of actually asking someone out, or they’re concerned about it because they know it’s something they’re not actively doing.”