I couldn’t stop thinking about death — I just wanted to die every day.

Before I knew it, I was heading to the hospital in the back of a cop car. 

One question played over and over in my head: “Why am I not dead?”

The doctor had just informed me that I had major depression and Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. I didn’t know how to feel about what I’d been told. 

I just wanted to be normal like everyone else — I didn’t want to be labeled.

I tried to be normal by not taking my medication, but I couldn’t function. I was angry and I’d lash out at people who didn’t deserve it until one day, I decided to embrace my mental health and take my medications. 

That’s when someone pointed out to me that I looked healthy and happy for the first time in a long time. That’s when I knew that maybe taking medication was not all that bad.

Speak Up Radio cover photo. Image credit: Ksenia Ray, Speak Up Radio.
Speak Up Radio cover photo. Image credit: Ksenia Ray, Speak Up Radio.

When I was in the hospital, the doctor gave me papers to read. I finally picked up the papers after months of them sitting there on my desk.

I read more about mental health on the CDC website. That’s where I found I was not alone in my mental health journey.

I found out that one in 25 individuals suffers from mental health illness and that it’s OK to have mental health issues. We don’t have to suffer alone.

I also wanted to help people with the struggle with having to deal with mental health on a day-to-day basis.

So I decided to start a podcast on Spotify called “SpeakUpRadio101.” On the podcast I share my mental health journey, and educate people on the issue.

I started this podcast because I noticed that everyone deals with health issues. I want them to know that it’s OK to ask for help.