My life right now is so much brighter than it was. For over a year, I was in darkness.

Now, I feel like I can take control of my life and not let my fears take over. Now, I am closer to thriving, rather than just surviving with my mental health challenges.

I have something called obsessive-compulsive disorder, or OCD. There are many different things that make me nervous. For example, making sure that doors are locked or making sure I wash my hands after I touch something dirty.

Another thing that really distresses me is worrying that I do things wrong. I often think I committed a sin, and review in my head what I did to check if it was “bad” or not.

My family and I had assumed I had OCD since I was young, but we didn’t realize how bad it was.

One Sunday, I realized how hard it was for me to do a simple action that others could do easily. I realized that I was not normal. I decided to read what the church said about mental health.

Questions like, “’How long have you experienced these challenges?’ ‘How much do these symptoms affect your daily life?’” were what I read in an article about mental health on the Church’s Gospel Library app.

I realized that I could answer those questions with more of a yes than a no.

I told my mom that I should go to therapy. We started with therapists who were a little more general. I was learning more about OCD and finally understanding steps I could take to help myself, but it was still hard.

“We’re all built with a moral compass … but what happens when that compass breaks? It jumps around the dial, trying to find a good spot to land, never satisfied with your final decision,” said Nathan Peterson, an OCD specialist, in a YouTube video.

This was a heartbreaking and relatable quote about how my OCD sometimes felt. It got worse before it got better.

My search for therapists didn't end. I ran into problems with insurance and moving from Utah to Idaho, then back again.

I looked up new options and found someone who specialized in scrupulosity, which is a subtype of OCD that I experience more of.

This new therapist really helped me. I could start to see myself actually functioning, feeling more normal than I had before.

After I started to feel better, I finally decided to do something that other therapists had talked about: looking into medicine. This only helped my journey after finding a good dose. I am not totally fine, and I still get nervous, but I have found a way to be calmer.

It was dark for a while, but through hard work and an effort to keep getting better, I have, at last, found some light, and I am so happy with how far I’ve come.

I know that Heavenly Father was with me through it all.

I am a witness that things can get better.

Featured Image: Lilly on the Alaskan coast. Photo Credit Lilly Nelson