The last thing you want to do is marry someone you hardly know, which is why we date other people and try to get to know them. If you eventually pop the big question, you might wonder; What happens after you’re married? Do you still need to date each other, and if so, will dating be easier after you’re married?

“You don’t just magically become good at dating your partner after marriage,” said Cole Ratcliffe, a professor of marriage and family studies.

One of Ratcliffe’s biggest concerns is that couples are not establishing a pattern of intentionally investing in their relationship, specifically the pattern of dating as a married couple.

“Wise couples continue to get to know their spouses' ever-evolving hopes, needs, dreams, aspirations, and that’s hard to do if you’re not carving out time for it,” said Robert Stewart, Associate Department Chair in the marriage and family studies department.

Ratcliffe had some insight into research that has been done regarding intimacy.

”If you look at the research about what leads people who report being intensely romantically in love after several years of marriage, there’s a handful of things,” Ratcliffe said.

There were three common denominators among the couples Ratcliffe mentioned. They engaged regularly in sexual interactions, nonsexual physical touch and challenging and novel experiences together. (Acevedo et al., 2012)

Stewart shared that when couples prioritize physical intimacy, they often feel greater emotional closeness. Couples who focus on emotional intimacy find that their desire for physical intimacy increases.

“Sometimes we use the word intimacy to be synonymous with physical touch, physical intimacy or sexual intimacy, but it is only part of it,” Stewart said. “Intimacy really is closeness and oneness.”

Stewart said it is important for couples to focus on physical intimacy, but it is also important to focus on emotional closeness.

“Having emotional oneness and being emotionally intimate looks like when you and your partner say, 'I feel like my spouse knows what’s going on in my life, we’re showing concern and empathy for each other as we go,'" Stewart said.  

Stewart said being close to someone emotionally is part of your marital relationship and platonic relationships. It often looks like your active understanding of the details of their lives and showing them that you care.  

“Emotional intimacy is nurtured well if there are consistent dates. Making sure you are on the same page financially is really wise,” Stewart said. “But if all you are doing is co-parenting and planning the finances, then you are more like business partners than you are husband and wife.”

Ratcliffe shared advice on approaching dates with your spouse.

”One common pitfall is that people bring up unhelpful conversations in a dating context,” said Ratcliffe. "When you go on a date, that is not the time to discuss your problems.”

Ratcliffe emphasized that you might agree with your partner to leave certain topics out of bounds during a date, like any unnecessary topics that would bring up negative emotions that make it harder to connect with your partner.

When you go on a date, you need to protect your time with your partner. Your date needs to give you both a break from the stresses of the world so you two can connect as a romantic couple.  

Dr. John Gottman, a renowned psychologist and researcher, says that the healthiest couples create shared meaning. Stewart shared that our religion gives a unique perspective on shared meaning. We can share a spiritual oneness and closeness with our partner.

“What an advantage we have with the restored gospel that my wife and I both want to be exalted,” Stewart said.

Stewart shared a quote that gives a powerful perspective to have in marriage throughout the process of understanding and learning about intimacy with your partner.

“Marriage is a gift from God to us; the quality of our marriages is a gift from us to Him,” said Elder L. Whitney Clayton of the Presidency of the Seventy.