With thousands of books and websites on dating, it can be difficult to determine the best tips and tricks to find a date and keep their attention.
A team of dating experts in the United Kingdom put together a series of experiments called The Science of Attraction, that help unveil the mysteries behind attraction.
One experiment tested the effect of personality on members of the opposite sex.
Three female participants were told they were invited to attend a speed-dating event with three male participants.
The males were actors told to embody specific traits or characteristics. Mr. A implemented dating techniques that you might find in books or on the Internet, Mr. B was simply being himself, and Mr. C was overconfident and arrogant.
When the dates were over each of the female participants chose a different male as their favorite contestant. However, when it was revealed to the women that the men were acting, all three said they wished they had chosen Mr. B, because they would rather have a man be honest and be himself.
According to Derren Brown, The Science of Attraction team’s host, “The techniques used in dating books and seminars may help to some extent with building confidence but they aren’t a system for dating. The ultimate truth is to be yourself and to have confidence in who you are.”
Dating expert April Beyer, also believes that one of the most important things to do on a date is to be yourself.
Beyer believes that the idea that “dating is a skill or a learned behavior” is one of the three biggest myths of dating.
In her video Three Biggest Dating Myths Beyer said, “forget about perfecting your dating skills. Dating is simply relating, and it requires great relationship skills. “
A magazine article written by columnist Jessica Padykula, called Be Empowered by Your Personality, offers four ways to be yourself in the dating world. The article suggests letting go of insecurities, being bold, not hiding your quirks and loosening .
According to Padykula, “There is no substitute for the real you, so don’t change your personality to match what you think someone wants. Instead, stay true to the fabulous person you are.”
Brandon Larson, a senior studying financial economics, has been married for over a year. “You have to be yourself,” said Larson, “There is no reason to fake anything or make someone believe you are something that you’re not. They are going to find out anyway. Being who you are gives you an opportunity to see if things are going to work out.”
Relationship counselor and life coach Jeremi McManus, works in San Francisco and has been helping people with their relationships for seven years.
He believes that men and women should not only be themselves in their dating lives, but they should date their partners the way they would want to be dated.
“It is important that you give others the respect they need in a way we would want them to treat us. Put your best foot forward. There is nothing wrong with putting your best side forward.”
Art education graduate, Kelsey Stensrud, has been married for almost five months and said that one of her best dating approaches was to simply be herself, but to make a good impression as well.
“A lot of times you feel like you can’t be yourself because you are trying to impress the person you are on a date with,” said Stensrud, “But if you don’t give a good representation of who you are from the beginning, you will never know if they truly like you for who you are or for who you are portraying. You should be on your best behavior without changing your personality.”
According to lifetips.com, a common red flag in dating is when you feel like you can’t be yourself “without apology.” Feeling like you have to play a role in a relationship means that the person is not for you.
“Enjoy yourself. That is the best advice I can give. There is a big world out there and there is a lot you are still discovering for yourself. Enjoy the ride,” said McManus.
McManus said that when people pressure themselves and their partners to get too serious too quickly it takes the joy out of dating.
“Really enjoy it. Let it be a time to strengthen your dating muscle,” said McManus, “Begin to cultivate the qualities you want in your future partner. All the dating you do in this time will help you understand what you want down the road.”