OPINION: I am not broken

When people find out that you’ve walked away from a serious relationship before, they question. When people find out that you have a hard time dating because of past experiences, they stare. When people find out that you’re single, but you’ve been engaged before, they judge.

I am not broken.

Yes, I have walked away from a serious relationship, but that doesn’t make me selfish. Yes, I have a hard time dating because I don’t want history to repeat itself, but that doesn’t make me cowardly. Yes, I have been engaged before, and now I am not. But that doesn’t make me broken.

I desperately needed to walk away. It took me months, but I finally did it. I didn’t wake up one morning and decide to turn my life around.

For months, each tear and each ailment piled higher and higher, but I couldn’t see the problem. How could I, when I was being fed with the saying, “You deserve this. You don’t deserve any better.”

So no, it wasn’t an easy thing to do. But it was the best thing to do.

“Everyone has experienced discouragement and difficulty,” said Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf in a General Conference of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. “Indeed, there are times when the darkness may seem unbearable. It is in these times that the divine principles of the restored gospel we hope in can uphold us and carry us until, once again, we walk in the light.”

People and events break us down; they make us feel weak, vulnerable and hopeless. Sometimes we have control of the situation but not all the time.

When faced with trials and tribulations, we blame ourselves; we shut down, or we give up. Those moments should be replaced with hope and faith that everything will work out. Having hope and faith is easier said than done, especially when overcoming a detrimental experience.

I remember the day that I left. I remember the days, weeks and months that followed. I thought I knew sadness, misery and darkness before, but I was wrong.

All I could do was pray. I prayed every hour of every day. I prayed, so Heavenly Father could help me out of bed. I prayed so that I could function without crying. I didn’t cry happy tears or sad tears. Instead, I cried little tears of frustration. Frustration that I didn’t get out sooner. Frustration that I didn’t see the signs before.

Every mirror I passed, I saw a hallow version of myself; someone weak and broken. I didn’t see the strength that it took to leave. I didn’t see the heavy load that I then carried.

With the love and support of those around me, I began to move on. I’ve learned that there are many ways to change your situation. Some depend on others; some depend on oneself, and some depend on Heavenly Father.

When dealing with these tribulations in our lives, we need to remember hope is the needed push on the way to recovery.