When people find out that you’ve walked away from a serious relationship before, they question. When people find out that you have a hard time dating because of past experiences, they stare. When people find out that you’re single, but you’ve been engaged before, they judge.
I am not broken.
Yes, I have walked away from a serious relationship, but that doesn’t make me selfish. Yes, I have a hard time dating because I don’t want history to repeat itself, but that doesn’t make me cowardly. Yes, I have been engaged before, and now I am not. But that doesn’t make me broken.
I desperately needed to walk away. It took me months, but I finally did it. I didn’t wake up one morning and decide to turn my life around.
For months, each tear and each ailment piled higher and higher, but I couldn’t see the problem. How could I, when I was being fed with the saying, “You deserve this. You don’t deserve any better.”
So no, it wasn’t an easy thing to do. But it was the best thing to do.
“Everyone has experienced discouragement and difficulty,” said Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf in a General Conference of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. “Indeed, there are times when the darkness may seem unbearable. It is in these times that the divine principles of the restored gospel we hope in can uphold us and carry us until, once again, we walk in the light.”
People and events break us down; they make us feel weak, vulnerable and hopeless. Sometimes we have control of the situation but not all the time.
When faced with trials and tribulations, we blame ourselves; we shut down, or we give up. Those moments should be replaced with hope and faith that everything will work out. Having hope and faith is easier said than done, especially when overcoming a detrimental experience.
I remember the day that I left. I remember the days, weeks and months that followed. I thought I knew sadness, misery and darkness before, but I was wrong.
All I could do was pray. I prayed every hour of every day. I prayed, so Heavenly Father could help me out of bed. I prayed so that I could function without crying. I didn’t cry happy tears or sad tears. Instead, I cried little tears of frustration. Frustration that I didn’t get out sooner. Frustration that I didn’t see the signs before.
Every mirror I passed, I saw a hallow version of myself; someone weak and broken. I didn’t see the strength that it took to leave. I didn’t see the heavy load that I then carried.
With the love and support of those around me, I began to move on. I’ve learned that there are many ways to change your situation. Some depend on others; some depend on oneself, and some depend on Heavenly Father.
When dealing with these tribulations in our lives, we need to remember hope is the needed push on the way to recovery.
4 Comments
Good for you! It sounds like this was incredibly, painfully difficult. If you can do that and survive, you’ll be OK in life. You’ve shown yourself the kind of hard things you can do.
Great article. So proud of you. You have come out the other side and come out a better person. We love you.
Where’s the opinion?
elle osborne- i used to date larry dean osborne and knew owen dale when I lived in california mo long ago. I was crazy about larry and would have married him in a nano-second if he would have asked we dated almost every single night on summer. I knew his mom rowena and william his dad. we had a funny incident at one time larry’s dad had purchased a new green and white pontiac and for some reason larry leaned over and kissed me and we ran off the road and got a long scratch on the new car and he wanted me to go with him and tell his parents that we were ran off the road by someone but thankfully his dad wm. had a meeting that night and i did not have to lie because I would probably have laughed out of being scared. it was funny if you ever have the inclination e-mail me at least one time to chat at bit I would love nothing more.